Woken up from confusion. lies. deceit. concocted by the mind....
Mine plays terrible tricks on me...
i shalt not dwell on it either.
Its being hectic, a maelstrom of workload the recent weeks... Tis explains why I havnt' been properly bloggin either...
I got back my marks for the Consumer Behavior and Organizational Management yesterday... It was pathatic... Never in my whole freaking life have I scored such a.... score....
50 marks? upon 100?
for BOTH papers too? It is like I've woken up into a nightmare...
... 50 + 50 = 100 marks....
. Andrew . keep a hold on yourself, look on the bright side or you will definately become mentally incarcerated...
but.. 50 marks is too much a sight to behold....
It was so terrible that I actually laughed at it.. I LAUGHED at it... yes...
(partly because I promised Sonia I won't be gloomy)
I studied. I STUDIED!!!! nobody will ever believe that I did study...
not ever...
I started of studying waaay before the test... drafting out notes and summarizing points.. doing mock test papers and excercises...
... what went wrong?... I just had a mental block during the tests, that everything I studied just couldnt come out!
But who will belive that?
it is a world based on results. R-E-S-U-L-T-S.
the process means nothing. I think I must have said this a million times....
but... I guess it will never get into my head...
I bet I'll go foolishly studying before the next test and score a similar result...
From A to B then C *depression* and now..... D
I dunno wad I might do....
Suicide sounds heavenly to me now...
I just want to leave this busy world...
to be free from emotions..
free from work...
free from the stress of acheiving what I want to achieve....
free from the expectations of others.....
I just so want to die...
I really do...
I know that I will not go to hell...
.. its just that... I don't know how to face my heavenly father when I am accounted for the things I have done in life...
... if ever I should release myself from this world, permernantly... I just want to let those people around me know that...
... I never mean to hurt anybody... even if it seems like it...
... You all mean the world to me... though sometimes i may say otherwise...
... I wish I could make everybody around me happy... but most of the time, it turns out opposite...
... I struggled hard to be a good friend... but... i failed miserably...
... my life... never felt like much before.......
one life less... doesnt make a difference....
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